Good Vibes Only
What is the difference between a Sex therapist and intimacy coach?
You want help with your sex life but who do you choose?
A sex therapist or a sex coach? Where do you start?
How do you even find one?
And what even is a sexologist and sex education!?
Let me answer those questions.
Let’s start with a sex therapist because it is more straightforward.
What is a sex therapist?
A sex therapist is a clinical psychologist, councilor, or therapist who holds a licence and has a masters or doctorate in psychology or social work. To become a sex therapist you need additional training to be AASECT Certified (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists).
What does a sex therapist do?
Simply put- a sex therapist treats mental health issues as well as sexual issues. Sex therapists see couples as well as individuals and similar to typical therapists a certified sex therapist helps people work through issues, whether that's marital issues, gender dysphoria, sexual dysfunctions, and emotional regulation.
What is a sex coach?
In the United States there is no official path to become a sex coach (or educator or intimacy expert or sexologist). Sex coaches have a variety of backgrounds and training. Unfortunately this does mean some are not qualified to do the work they do and ethics can come into questions. This is why it is important to look into the individual practising. There are certifications in the US that sex coaches can obtain. Personally, I am certified through the American Board of Sexology. Many certifications have a board that approves certification of individuals to obtain the validity of the certification. With that being said- I know a lot of sex coaches that are highly qualified who are not certified with any organization. Real world experiences, workshops and seminars (or any continuing education) can create a well trained and highly knowledgeable sex coach.
What does a sex coach do?
A sex coach's main goal is to guide you to have the most fulfilling sex life possible. Everyone’s goals are vastly different; most goals are achieved by education. Similar to a sex therapist a sex coach can address issues pertaining to your romantic or sex life. Sex coaches look at the whole human (or have a holistic approach). They are more likely to dive into history, health habits, relationships, social life, etc. to figure out the best path to address an issue.
How are they different?
The main difference is the professional licensing. While sex therapists are required to have AASECT certification to practise, sex coaches do not require any certification to practise. Schooling is also a big difference- sex therapists have completed graduate level training in mental health. Sex coaches on the other hand do not need mental health training. Scope of practice also differs.
What is the scope of practice for sex therapists and sex coaches?
There is a lot of overlap between a therapist and a coach when it comes to scope of practice but the severity and approach can be different.
Here’s a couple of examples of what both individuals address:
Relationship dynamics
Sexuality
Desire types
Orgasm blocks
Erectile dysfunction
A coach cannot and should not guide you through trauma and mental health issues. These things can, of course, be discussed with a sex coach (because it might help them understand the issues being addressed) but mental health skill building should be done with a therapist.
Sessions with both professionals could look the same from the outside. The sex therapist or coach sits on one side of the room and the client on the other. There is no nudity, no touching, and no sexual activity. You just talk.
Here is an example of how the approach might differ:
If someone comes to a sex therapist for help with premature ejaculation a sex therapist might explore emotional factors first. Addressing anxiety, sexual history, and increasing confidence. A sex therapist could also teach behavioral techniques to delay ejaculation.
Similar to a sex therapist a sex coach would speak about sexual history and how the issue affects relationships and confidence but a sex coach would focus on behavioral techniques and mindset.
If someone comes to a sex coach for help with differing desire types a sex coach would first and foremost educate on desire types. They would offer homework and give options or techniques to approach each other. On the other hand if someone came to a sex therapist with the same issue the sex therapist would dive into deeper relationship issues and give options or techniques for communication.
If someone just came out as a lesbian and having anxiety about sex with someone of the same sex, a sex therapist would focus on the anxiety and give tools to be confident. A sex coach would give tools to be confident but also speak about sapphic sex, educate on toys, talk about dating apps, teach techniques, etc.
All in all when it comes to mental health pertaining to sex (and then some) you need a sex therapist. For specific goals and education, a sex coach is best. A sex therapist is also someone you would see long term and a sex coach is usually more short term.
So which one do you need?
Great question and it’s truly a person by person journey. If your sexual issues are sourced from trauma, a sex therapist is where you should start. If you and your partner have a great relationship but you would like to spice it up in the bedroom a sex coach is perfect. If you are avoidant and would like to work towards secure attachment a therapist is for you. If you never had good sex education and would like to learn more about your body a sex coach is where it’s at. If you and your partner are struggling in and out of the bedroom, start with a sex therapist. If you are trans and want to explore a different way to have sex to make it more euphoric a sex coach can guide you. While there are major differences both practices have their places. My biggest piece of advice is do as much research as possible. Look at their niches, look up reviews, and ask questions! Most sex therapists and sex coaches are more than happy to answer questions via email.
Ask their focus and what type of clients they have. Some sex therapists and coaches lean on religious principles and typical family structure, others are more qualified to help people who are polyamorous. Some sex therapists and coaches have mostly heterosexual clients, others focus on the LGBTQIA+ community. Some sex therapists and coaches are more inclined to educate about kink, others focus on having the best “traditional sex”. Some sex therapists and coaches are science based, others are a little more woowoo.
It’s all about finding the best fit for you and what you are focused on.
What about sexologists and sex educators?
Sexologists and sex educators simply teach about all things sexual health. There is a range of topics that sexologists and sex educators teach and train. They teach in schools, host workshops, conduct seminars, give lectures, write blogs, have podcasts, conduct research and consult. There is a wide range of areas sexologists and educators teach in and where they teach. The age range on who they teach can differ from elementary students to professionals. Sexologists and educators work in public health along with medical settings.
The topics sexologists and educators could include (but are not limited to):
Human Anatomy & Physiology
Male and female reproductive systems
Puberty and physical development
Menstruation and ejaculation
Sexual and Reproductive Health
Contraception and birth control methods
Pregnancy and childbirth
Sexually transmitted infections (STIs), including HIV/AIDS
Fertility and infertility
Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity
LGBTQIA+ identities
Gender vs. sex vs. sexual orientation
Respect and inclusion
Healthy Relationships
Communication and consent
Setting boundaries
Respect, empathy, and mutual support
Disabilities
Consent and Bodily Autonomy
Understanding and giving consent
Recognizing coercion and manipulation
Legal aspects of consent (varies by location)
Pleasure and Sexual Response
Understanding arousal and orgasm
Myths and facts about pleasure
Self-exploration and masturbation
Kink
Sexologists and educators should be focused on comprehensive and inclusive sex ed. Being an educator is a big responsibility- the community, audience, and students look to educators and sexologists for support, safety, and science base learnings. The need for ongoing education is extremely important because new research and findings are coming out constantly. Just like with sex coaches and therapists- sexologists and educators usually have a speciality and scope of practice. Being a sex educator and sexologist is truly an honor. I love teaching people, I love learning, and I enjoy helping people. Being an educator is something I am proud of and I do not take the responsibility lightly.
If you have more questions please feel free to email me. My number one goal is for you to have the most fulfilling sex life possible.